So Long

It has been so long since I have blogged, Why? Because I am the mother of five and basically a single parent during the week with Shawn on night shifts. And I am updated on facebook which is much easier for me. Life is how it is always is. Crazy and busy. And I love it. I love being a stay at home mom. My house may not be clean, the dishes might not be done, and my kids hair may not be done some days, but I spend every waking moment trying to be a better mom. No matter what kind of mom you are you can always be better. I know that I may yell too much, I may demand too much, and I may not get as much time with my children as I like, but at the end of the day they know they are loved. And they are all beautiful very intelligent girls. They love each other, and they love their mom and dad. They are very good kids. So I must be doing something right. On that rare occassion tht I do cry in front of them, I have a 5 little girls to hold me, tell me they love me, and that it will be all right because we have each other because that is all that matters. If I ever have a doubt that I am loved, it is not for long. So many asked how I survive having 5 daughters, I am going to start asking how they go without.

So long

It has been so long since I blogged. The truth is that my computer got wiped and I forgot my password. Things are going good. For anyone that may not know I am 12 weeks pregnant. Things are going good. Some days I feel like I was hit by a bus all ready. My hips are killing and my kidneys hurt a lot. But at least things are going good. We are very excited. From the sound of the heartbeat it is a girl. I would bet on those odds. We don't mind. When you make girls as good as we do why not keep having them. Four weeks and we will find out. I can't wait. Ashtyn does not want a brother. She says it is a girl and her name is Ariel. Autumn and Morgan really want a baby brother. Molly just hugs my belly and says baby. She may like it now but I think it will be a different story when she is not the baby anymore.

I have a problem

Yesterday I finally started the task of minimizing our closets. I thought it would be easiest to start with the clothes in the totes in the garage. I also thought that it would be the best idea to do it out back under the tree, then I have to finish and can't set it aside for another day. It should be easy right? Wrong!!! I have a serious problem. When I am pulling out all of Autumn's jeans and thinking, "If I can just get rid of all but 10 pairs." That means I have to cut out 35 pairs of jeans. Then thinking "which do I get rid of the gap ones she's worn once or the limited too ones she's never worn." It has been serious stress. I am a little too attached to my kids clothes, and am buying way too many trying to keep them in style. Hopefully things will go well selling them on KSL. I haven't even touch Molly's clothes. There are 4 totes and a giant box of just 18-24 months - 2T. I thinking I need a recovery program. I was very proud last weekend, though. I went to yard sales and the only clothes I bought were for Lorenne for school. None for my girls even though there were some really cute gymboree ones. I have made it a whole week without buying any clothes for any of us. That is an accomplishment for me. When you realize your kids wardrobes are worth more than both your cars put together, it really is a shock factor. So if anyone is looking for girls clothes I know where you can get some name brand stuff for really cheap. :)

Looking at the silver lining

I have to just write to remind myself of all our blessings. Shawn has finally been hired up at the compound (airport 2) in west valley. This something we have been hoping for, for a very long time. Yeah!!! it means some job security and he will be doing what he loves, working on helicopters. He will be back on nightshift, but we are not complaining.

Autumn is getting better at softball. This is her first year and she has done suprisingly well. Yesterday Karolyn and I were doing her hair for their pictures and she was acting very funny. The next thing I new she was colapsing to the floor. She had locked her knees and passed out. It was very scary, but luckily I had the other half of my co-dependant relationship to help me get through it.

Morgan is getting excited for all day school next year. She is going to be the smallest 1st grader ever. She is a big help. She loves Molly so much. The only thing they argue over are the baby dolls.

Ashtyn is Ashtyn. Her vocabulary is growing as fast as she is. so she says even more random things. She definately catches thing that you think she wouldn't. Like the fact Dumbo gets drunk on the movie. She is our brown eyed monster. She is also my big sweetheart. She makes sure to come give me a hug many times throughout the day and say I love you.

Molly is getting huge. She is now sleeping in her own bed. And all we have to do is lay her down with her bottle and she's out. She is beginning to say lots of words and do lots of signs. Some real, some not. She has turned into a very lovey baby.

I haven't really done a lot. Just the same old stuff. I am trying to start a monthly group of making scrapbook pages so if anyone is interested.

We have recently had some events that remind us just how stupid the little things I stress about are. We lost one of Shawn's grandfathers. Thank goodness we went to Miami in April. He was able to see all of his great grandchildren before he past. And any future ones are there with him.

He was such a cute little old man. Very southern and very set in his ways. He was a great man. I didn't know him well, but you couldn't do the things he did and be a bad person. He adopted Shawn's dad and 4 brothers and raised them as his own. Any man that does this is a wonderful man. Maybe I look into it a little more than others because of my children and my fantastic husband. I have to believe that Waynes example is what made Shawn such a great dad to all our girls. Wayne also inspired Shawn to join the military, and it was Shawn's drive to make him proud that has pushed him so hard. I wish I had known him better. I know that through his Fantastic son, Dan. That my children will know their grandfather.

I was so sad I couldn't be in Miami to be there for Joan, Dan , and Marsha. I have come to love them all so much. It killed me not to be there in their time of need. I know the feeling was mutual for them. Shawn is going to miss his Grandfather greatly. It has just been recently that Wayne had told him how proud he was of him. That means more to him than all the money in the world. I am so glad that Shawn has support from that side of the family, too. I can't begin to say how much I love them. I just feel such a bond and hope that someday they can forgive me for ever believing the horrible things said about them. Enough random rambling.

I hope that all of you reading this know how much you mean to me. I am so glad to know that I have such a great support system of family and friends. It really helps get me through my bad days. Don't sweat the small stuff. I need to let everyone know I love you all and am so thankful for the great people I have in my life. Please tell those you care about how much they mean and that you love them. They may know it, but they still need to hear it a lot.

Thank you Wayne for helping make my husband the Fantastic Man that he is. Here's to you. You will be missed greatly.

Yeah my husband will be home tomorrow!!!!! It thas been a long 3 weeks. And stressful. To add to it I decided to move rooms around. I never make anything easy. I had big plans to paint and do all kinds of things. Now I am just hoping to have the house clean which probably won't happen. I know he won't care, but it makes me feel like a bad wife. I am hoping he will just be happy that I got the sod laid that we have been wanting for awhile. And moved the rooms around, because he hates to do that. I was hoping that I could devote the whole time to cleaning tomorrow, but I have to help my dad with something, run and pay bills, attend a kindergarten program and then haul butt to the airport to get him. Yeah. The king is coming home to the kingdom. It's so busy being a mom. I will be so glad to just get to be with him. Talking for 24 minutes in 3 weeks just isn't enough. I just hope he knows how much I love him, and I have every intention to be the good wife that keeps things spotless. But life get's in the way.

I miss my Husband

I miss my husband so much. He is gone to Canada for 3 weeks. He left last Monday and it has been horrible with out him. We didn't get to talk because it cost $1.50 a minute on our cell phones. 6 days is the longest we have ever went without talking. I made it through most of the week without crying. And I even was able to get to sleep at night without him. But yesterday I laid down for a nap on his pillow and I could smell him. I just laid there crying a little. I didn't want to move because I was afraid I would not find that spot again. Today I woke up and on Sundays he always cooks breakfast and that is what got me going. Not waking up to the smell of bacon. I broke down and called to leave him a message. I don't know if he could really understand the message through the sobs, but he understand I needed to hear from him. He called me and I was so overcome with happiness. It was a quick conversation, 4 minutes to be exact. He was watching the time because of the cost. It was enough. Just to hear his love in his voice and to hear him say he loved me. I'm not the kind that likes to be so dependent on anyone, but I am so completely head over heals in love with my husband that it turns me into one of those woman I used to think were pathetic. I am so blessed that I found my soul mate, best friend, wonderful father, perfect husband, and respected soldier all rolled into this fabulous man. I am so proud of what he does for this country. Even if it is hard on our family sometimes. His children miss him deeply, but say "Daddy's off being a soldier." You can tell they're proud.
Ashtyn is so much like him. When I am upset she says little things to torment me and make me laugh. When I was crying today she asked why. When I told her it was because I missed daddy she said "He ran away from you. Ha Ha." It may sound mean, but it is coming from a child who later said Dumbo couldn't fly because he was drunk. I am so glad I have my girls. I think sometimes they comfort me more than I comfort them. They are my rock. I am so glad that I found the person that I could love this much.

Grandpa Wayne is a cute little old man. He loves to talk to Shawn about the military. He is so funny to listen to. He calls one of the other men in the rest home Bobblehead. And told us about a woman with an butt as big as a couch. When we brought Molly in to meet him you could see a twinkle in his eye. Molly was trying to pretend that she was shy and would run past and hit his knee. We were so glad to get 4 generation photos.